What Non-Parents Want Us To Know + What Parents Want Them To Know

What non-parents want parents to know.

1.)Even though I’m nodding my head while you speak, I really don’t care how many poops your toddler has taken in his new potty chair. Did your cute pooping toddler squirt out some jellybeans too? Okay, now I care.

2.)Your kid is gluten free? What the hell is gluten? Is that a type of fish? I’ve never heard of this fish. I’ve just come to the vast conclusion that I’m gluten free also.

3.)Look, I completely understand what its like to have a few children running our lives on a day to day basis, but could you at least muster up a solid three minutes and put some effort into that hair? Jesus woman, looking like Mufasa up in here.

4.)Hey, your kid just drooled into my mouth- He’s cute and all, but I’m secretly trying not to freak out over these germs we’ve got going on over here…

5.)Being around your well-behaved kids make me feel like I want some of my own. When they act up, I take back that thought and pat myself on the back for not being pregnant.

*************************************************************************

What parents want non-parents to know.

1.)You care about my toddlers first poop adventures just as much as I care about your wild nights out. That’s fine. I don’t expect you to be as excited as I am when the munchkin drops a deuce in the toilet, but give me a break- we’ve worked really hard to get where we are today. Our hard work is shown off by a little nugget of poop that’s not confined in a diaper, and we feel like fucking rockstars.

2.)Although I’m flattered by your interest in my kids diet, you don’t really need to understand their lifestyle to get on with yours. Unless you’re in charge of feeding my kids anytime soon, don’t worry about what the munchkin is eating (unless you see him eating batteries, otherwise be very worried).

3.)Do you have children running your life on a daily basis? Neither do I. Do you think my kids wake me up every morning, make my coffee and take me to work? While the kiddos are in my possession, I’m the one running their lives. Doctors appointments, play dates, day care? All me. Oh, and do you know what could happen in three minutes? Yeah, my hair is just a little less important to me now.

4.) lol “germs”.

5.)You think you’re the only person who has ever said that? I used to make ignorant statements like that too, (I think most parents did) but I grew up and had a baby. Contrary to popular belief, my life isn’t over because I became a parent. My life just started. Maybe one day you’ll understand.

xoxo
-A