The War Against SuperMoms

You’ve all probably seen the endless array of blogs, articles and forum discussions about new moms.  They usually have an incredibly original title such as ’5 Things New Mom’s Won’t Get Done’.  There are two things these articles all have in common. The first being a universal belief that our homes (and ourselves) will be, and should be, a disaster zone.

The most recent blog post I stumbled upon is titled "To My Post Partum Self: Things I Wish I'd Known" and of course, the author makes a couple fairly decent points. But I'm not here to point out the decent, but rather the ass backwards and annoying. To quote an excerpt from the post:

“Don’t clean.

Your house will still be messy in five years. I am sorry, but it’s true. So when your baby sleeps, take a nap. Read a book. Masturbate. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest while you masturbate.  But don’t clean.”

As a new mom, you will usually be painted as a haggard, puke-covered mess who never leaves her disorderly house, doesn’t get any laundry finished, and never has time to make supper.  You will be told that anything else is unheard of.  You will be encouraged to look down upon ‘supermoms’ that seemingly ‘do it all’.  You’re told to ignore the dirty dishes, always nap when baby naps, and disregard basic hygiene.

Which brings me to my next point. This is another quote from the blog:

“Be a hater.
And those moms who appear to have it all together? The size six supermoms who appear perky and well-rested? The ones who haul big designer diaper bags brimming with healthy snacks and water and sunscreen and extra outfits and hand sanitizer? It is okay to wish them small misfortunes, like fecal incontinence or eye herpes.
You are on your way.”

What the actual fuck?  Why is it perfectly acceptable to despise a new mom who manages to clean? In this age of acceptance, how did we suddenly morph from the 1950’s expectation of a perfectly clean house, waxed eyebrows, and dinner on the table at five, to pure loathing?  Please don’t get me wrong; I don’t give a rats ass if your house isn’t picked up. I could honestly care less if there are dirty dishes in your sink, toys strewn from your bathroom to the living room, and laundry piles everywhere.  But since when should moms be looked down upon for cleaning? Is it just me, or is this completely the opposite of what we should be telling mothers to do?  Shouldn’t we be assuring women that whatever they manage to get accomplished with a miniature poop machine is JUST FINE? When did the apparent 'Supermom' become the target of abhorrence in the mom world? 

Now brace yourselves, because you’re going to hate me and wish eye herpes upon my dastardly soul: I am a mother to a 2 year old and a 3 month old, and my house isn’t dirty.  My laundry is clean and folded, dishes washed, floors vacuumed and frames dusted.  I run a cake decorating business out of my home.  I breastfeed exclusively, I puree my children’s baby food. I give them mostly healthy snacks and meals.  I feel well rested. And yes, science forbid, I even carry sunscreen, water, and extra outfits in my Coach brand bag. I don’t have a Pinterest account because seriously, the last thing I need is another online addiction.  I birthed my children naturally with a doula and midwife. I cook dinner almost every night. My children's designer clothes are organized by season and color. Holy shit… I even work out almost every morning. 

Go right ahead, hate me.  But before you do, I ask that you continue to read the rest of the post before wishing on me the ‘small misfortune’ of fecal incontinence.  

Because guess what? 99% of the time I feel completely and totally inadequate.  I see moms who do more than me.  I let the TV babysit my toddler when I have cakes to decorate, and often I am up until 3am working on Friday nights.  I don’t shower on a daily basis unless I have to leave my house.  I fall into my bed, exhausted, at 8:30pm so that maybe I will have the energy to work out in the morning because I’m FAR from a size 6.  I don’t always buy organic.  I breastfeed, cloth diaper, and make my own baby food for many reasons, but also because I’m CHEAP.  I buy my kids designer clothes second hand, and I shamelessly use coupon and rewards points. I only own two pairs of jeans that fit. I look well rested in the morning because I am, I have been given an awesome little baby who enjoys sleeping at night as much as I do.  I chose to endure the pain of natural birth because the thought of a cesarean scares the ever lovin' shit out of me and I'm a pansy. I scream into my pillow when my toddler pees on the kitchen table. My marriage is falling apart.

Sure, on the outside I look like I’ve got it all together.  I don’t.  I clean because it is a welcome distraction from everything else that is going to shit. I don't have an ulterior motive.

Now don’t you think that maybe, instead of shooting daggers at the women who ‘appear to have it all together’, you should start accepting that maybe you don’t know it all?  EVERY mother is fighting her own battles.  Instead of sneering at the mom in the park feeding her baby homemade food, you could consider that maybe she can’t afford expensive jarred baby food.  When you see that mom with the perfect hairstyle at the grocery store, instead of immediately wishing anal leakage on her, maybe bear in mind that she may have just had the only haircut she’s been able to manage in the last year.  Maybe you should tone down the note of disgust in your voice when you accuse your friend of being a 'supermom'. 

We are all working our asses off to make our children happy.  Some of us have different priorities, stress relief techniques, and habits. And that’s ok. 

We DO NOT have to be haters.

-Shalana