You're a bad parent.

I need to say something. It’s been on my mind for a few days now and I can’t go on with life until I write about it. Right now, my two-and-a-half-year-old is napping and my hubby is out with friends on a photography expedition.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to start writing about this and now its finally here.  A quiet house,  a hot cup of tea and some time to get this all out in the open is what I really need this week but even more so, I need mothers parents to read this and fully understand where I am coming from.

Lets go back to pre-parenthood.
Before my husband was a father and I was a mother, I thought we had this whole parenting thing in the bag.  I imagined that my hubby and I would agree on everything pertaining to our little guy and that our parenting styles would be completely the same. We spent my entire pregnancy in a worry-free state and told each other that it was going to be painless. Why was parenting made out to be so hard? It looked so easy to us.

Fast forward two years later.

I wish I still thought that parenting was easy. Before you get the wrong idea, let me just explain that my son is one of the most well behaved toddlers I’ve ever known. He’s sweet, careful, and smart and everyone loves him so much. It’s not him that makes parenting hard. It’s everyone else.

So back to what I was getting at earlier with the whole “I need to say it” thing.

What I have to say is that you’re a bad parent. Don’t get mad, I’m a bad parent too.   Since I’ve had my first born, others seem to have magically become experts in the field of raising kids and let me know when they feel like I’m not doing it right. For the record, there is a difference between helping another parent and just bashing them because they feel entitled to do so. Most choices I’ve made about parenting are criticized or at the very least mocked by others who believe they have influence on how we raise our son.  

1. When I breastfed my newborn son, it was weird and taboo to feed my child from my own body.

2. When I switched to formula after not being able to produce enough milk on my own, I was shamed because formula wasn’t as nutritional as breast milk.

3. When we agreed not to baptize our son, well… you know how that one goes.

4. When we started liquid food, we were being pretentious by only feeding him organic, homemade baby food.  

5. When we started solid food, we were being ridiculous and overbearing because we wouldn’t let our nine-month old eat French fries. 

6. When we started cloth diapering to reduce our carbon footprint and keep unnecessary chemicals away from our baby’s ass, we were gross for washing our own diapers at home.

7. When I talked about the idea of circumcision and how I believed it was wrong to mutilate a perfect baby boy, I was told that I shouldn’t have any more children.

8. When we bought our son a kitchen for Christmas, we were mocked by naysayers who suggested that it was a ‘girls toy’ and that we should have bought him something more masculine.

....and the list goes on.  

Well, here’s my newsflash for those who had nasty things to say about my parenting.

If you have children in the house still, don’t let anyone get in the way of your parenting but also don’t get in the way of others parenting too (aka my nice way of saying 'get out of my way').

If you have children who are out of the house, your job is not to parent children that aren’t yours. Instead, start learning how to parent your child in their new stages in life and act as their guides. They need you more than my child needs you.

If you don’t have any children, please just don’t criticize anyone about their parenting style. Just don’t. Also, please don’t ever compare your love for animals to the love that a parent has for their children.

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For every one of my instances, there is a totally opposite reaction. Even If I did listen to everyone’s opinions, I would still be wrong. I know that there are other parents out there who try their best only to be shut down by other people and these people could be anyone (especially behind a computer) so I want to them one more thing.

If you know you’re doing whatever you can to ensure your baby is safe, fed, healthy and happy, screw what everyone else thinks and keep doing your best. Let no one get in the way of raising your kids the way you feel is right as long as you know it’s the best way for you and your partner.

On the other hand - if you think you’re guilty of accidentally undermining someone else’s parenting, don’t apologize (or apologize, whatever) and just make sure you never do it again. We should be embracing fellow parents to follow their instincts and raise happy children, not belittling them by telling them they’re wrong and thus treating them like children, too.

-Ash