Showing posts with label FALSE!. Show all posts

2.22.2014

You're a bad parent.

I need to say something. It’s been on my mind for a few days now and I can’t go on with life until I write about it. Right now, my two-and-a-half-year-old is napping and my hubby is out with friends on a photography expedition.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to start writing about this and now its finally here. A quiet house, a hot cup of tea and some time to get this all out in the open is what I really need this week but even more so, I need ~~mothers~~ parents to read this and fully understand where I am coming from.

Lets go back to pre-parenthood.
Before my husband was a father and I was a mother, I thought we had this whole parenting thing in the bag. I imagined that my hubby and I would agree on everything pertaining to our little guy and that our parenting styles would be completely the same. We spent my entire pregnancy in a worry-free state and told each other that it was going to be painless. Why was parenting made out to be so hard? It looked so easy to us.

Fast forward two years later.

I wish I still thought that parenting was easy. Before you get the wrong idea, let me just explain that my son is one of the most well behaved toddlers I’ve ever known. He’s sweet, careful, and smart and everyone loves him so much. It’s not him that makes parenting hard. It’s everyone else.

So back to what I was getting at earlier with the whole “I need to say it” thing.

What I have to say is that you’re a bad parent. Don’t get mad, I’m a bad parent too. Since I’ve had my first born, others seem to have magically become experts in the field of raising kids and let me know when they feel like I’m not doing it right. For the record, there is a difference between helping another parent and just bashing them because they feel entitled to do so. Most choices I’ve made about parenting are criticized or at the very least mocked by others who believe they have influence on how we raise our son.

1. When I breastfed my newborn son, it was weird and taboo to feed my child from my own body.

2. When I switched to formula after not being able to produce enough milk on my own, I was shamed because formula wasn’t as nutritional as breast milk.

3. When we agreed not to baptize our son, well… you know how that one goes.

4. When we started liquid food, we were being pretentious by only feeding him organic, homemade baby food.

5. When we started solid food, we were being ridiculous and overbearing because we wouldn’t let our nine-month old eat French fries.

6. When we started cloth diapering to reduce our carbon footprint and keep unnecessary chemicals away from our baby’s ass, we were gross for washing our own diapers at home.

7. When I talked about the idea of circumcision and how I believed it was wrong to mutilate a perfect baby boy, I was told that I shouldn’t have any more children.

8. When we bought our son a kitchen for Christmas, we were mocked by naysayers who suggested that it was a ‘girls toy’ and that we should have bought him something more masculine.

....and the list goes on.

Well, here’s my newsflash for those who had nasty things to say about my parenting.

If you have children in the house still, don’t let anyone get in the way of your parenting but also don’t get in the way of others parenting too (aka my nice way of saying 'get out of my way').

If you have children who are out of the house, your job is not to parent children that aren’t yours. Instead, start learning how to parent your child in their new stages in life and act as their guides. They need you more than my child needs you.

If you don’t have any children, please just don’t criticize anyone about their parenting style. Just don’t. Also, please don’t ever compare your love for animals to the love that a parent has for their children.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

____________________________________________________

For every one of my instances, there is a totally opposite reaction. Even If I did listen to everyone’s opinions, I would still be wrong. I know that there are other parents out there who try their best only to be shut down by other people and these people could be anyone (especially behind a computer) so I want to them one more thing.

If you know you’re doing whatever you can to ensure your baby is safe, fed, healthy and happy, screw what everyone else thinks and keep doing your best. Let no one get in the way of raising your kids the way you feel is right as long as you know it’s the best way for you and your partner.

On the other hand - if you think you’re guilty of accidentally undermining someone else’s parenting, don’t apologize (or apologize, whatever) and just make sure you never do it again. We should be embracing fellow parents to follow their instincts and raise happy children, not belittling them by telling them they’re wrong and thus treating them like children, too.

-Ash

11.05.2013

The War Against SuperMoms

You’ve all probably seen the endless array of blogs, articles and forum discussions about new moms. They usually have an incredibly original title such as ’5 Things New Mom’s Won’t Get Done’. There are two things these articles all have in common. The first being a universal belief that our homes (and ourselves) will be, and should be, a disaster zone.

The most recent blog post I stumbled upon is titled "To My Post Partum Self: Things I Wish I'd Known" and of course, the author makes a couple fairly decent points. But I'm not here to point out the decent, but rather the ass backwards and annoying. To quote an excerpt from the post:

“Don’t clean.

Your house will still be messy in five years. I am sorry, but it’s true. So when your baby sleeps, take a nap. Read a book. Masturbate. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest. Look at pictures of clean houses on Pinterest while you masturbate. But don’t clean.”

As a new mom, you will usually be painted as a haggard, puke-covered mess who never leaves her disorderly house, doesn’t get any laundry finished, and never has time to make supper. You will be told that anything else is unheard of. You will be encouraged to look down upon ‘supermoms’ that seemingly ‘do it all’. You’re told to ignore the dirty dishes, always nap when baby naps, and disregard basic hygiene.

Which brings me to my next point. This is another quote from the blog:

“Be a hater.
And those moms who appear to have it all together? The size six supermoms who appear perky and well-rested? The ones who haul big designer diaper bags brimming with healthy snacks and water and sunscreen and extra outfits and hand sanitizer? It is okay to wish them small misfortunes, like fecal incontinence or eye herpes.
You are on your way.”

What the actual fuck? Why is it perfectly acceptable to despise a new mom who manages to clean? In this age of acceptance, how did we suddenly morph from the 1950’s expectation of a perfectly clean house, waxed eyebrows, and dinner on the table at five, to pure loathing? Please don’t get me wrong; I don’t give a rats ass if your house isn’t picked up. I could honestly care less if there are dirty dishes in your sink, toys strewn from your bathroom to the living room, and laundry piles everywhere. But since when should moms be looked down upon for cleaning? Is it just me, or is this completely the opposite of what we should be telling mothers to do? Shouldn’t we be assuring women that whatever they manage to get accomplished with a miniature poop machine is JUST FINE? When did the apparent 'Supermom' become the target of abhorrence in the mom world?

Now brace yourselves, because you’re going to hate me and wish eye herpes upon my dastardly soul: I am a mother to a 2 year old and a 3 month old, and my house isn’t dirty. My laundry is clean and folded, dishes washed, floors vacuumed and frames dusted. I run a cake decorating business out of my home. I breastfeed exclusively, I puree my children’s baby food. I give them mostly healthy snacks and meals. I feel well rested. And yes, science forbid, I even carry sunscreen, water, and extra outfits in my Coach brand bag. I don’t have a Pinterest account because seriously, the last thing I need is another online addiction. I birthed my children naturally with a doula and midwife. I cook dinner almost every night. My children's designer clothes are organized by season and color. Holy shit… I even work out almost every morning.

Go right ahead, hate me. But before you do, I ask that you continue to read the rest of the post before wishing on me the ‘small misfortune’ of fecal incontinence.

Because guess what? 99% of the time I feel completely and totally inadequate. I see moms who do more than me. I let the TV babysit my toddler when I have cakes to decorate, and often I am up until 3am working on Friday nights. I don’t shower on a daily basis unless I have to leave my house. I fall into my bed, exhausted, at 8:30pm so that maybe I will have the energy to work out in the morning because I’m FAR from a size 6. I don’t always buy organic. I breastfeed, cloth diaper, and make my own baby food for many reasons, but also because I’m CHEAP. I buy my kids designer clothes second hand, and I shamelessly use coupon and rewards points. I only own two pairs of jeans that fit. I look well rested in the morning because I am, I have been given an awesome little baby who enjoys sleeping at night as much as I do. I chose to endure the pain of natural birth because the thought of a cesarean scares the ever lovin' shit out of me and I'm a pansy. I scream into my pillow when my toddler pees on the kitchen table. My marriage is falling apart.

Sure, on the outside I look like I’ve got it all together. I don’t. I clean because it is a welcome distraction from everything else that is going to shit. I don't have an ulterior motive.

Now don’t you think that maybe, instead of shooting daggers at the women who ‘appear to have it all together’, you should start accepting that maybe you don’t know it all? EVERY mother is fighting her own battles. Instead of sneering at the mom in the park feeding her baby homemade food, you could consider that maybe she can’t afford expensive jarred baby food. When you see that mom with the perfect hairstyle at the grocery store, instead of immediately wishing anal leakage on her, maybe bear in mind that she may have just had the only haircut she’s been able to manage in the last year. Maybe you should tone down the note of disgust in your voice when you accuse your friend of being a 'supermom'.

We are all working our asses off to make our children happy. Some of us have different priorities, stress relief techniques, and habits. And that’s ok.

We DO NOT have to be haters.

-Shalana

7.28.2013

“They don’t make cute clothes for boys.” FALSE!

I’ve really enjoyed dressing up my girls throughout the years and when I found I was having a little boy, I was determined to find stylish clothes for him. I took to the internet and started window (or, browser) shopping! Let me tell you, whoever says there aren’t any cute boys clothes are WRONG! There are so many adorable ways to dress up your little man. Here are my 3 looks: